WHEW – 53 pages! November 19, 2009
Posted by onemonkeyshow in just me, just the facts.5 comments
It’s done. Well the beginning of the end has begun. Does that make sense? I just submitted a Rough Draft…of what, you ask? I’m in the final term towards a new BA degree in Global Communication, Media and Research. My final project had to be an individual research project. Here’s the topic & title I decided on:
Marriage By Any Other Name: Are Civil Unions and Domestic Partnerships Equal to Marriage?
My full-on first rough draft just sped it’s way to my Professor’s inbox. It’s 53 pages, loaded down with graphs, tables, charts, and other graphics. I feel like a massive weight has been lifted. I know there will be multiple drafts to come, but seriously that first one is always the hardest!
even a ‘married’ gay couple gets screwed federally November 12, 2009
Posted by onemonkeyshow in just the facts.add a comment
Last night Keith and I attended a workshop centered around financial and legal challenges surrounding same-sex couples. The advisor was Kyle Young who, along with his business partner Steven Schmitt, started this branch of Wells Fargo specifically for the LGBTQ community. The two of them are the only Accredited Domestic Partnership Advisors (ADPA) in the country so far. Here are a couple of things we learned:
- When purchasing Long Term Care Insurance, each person in a couple must purchase a policy separately, however a different-sex couple will receive a ‘marital discount.’ Same-sex couples are not entitled to this discount, even if they are married or part of a civil union. The discount MIGHT be available to them, but you have to ask (and only certain companies allow it).
- Health Insurance: A different-sex married person could put his entire family on his health insurance plan, pre-tax, without limit (number of dependents, etc.). However for most insurance policies, when a same-sex partner is added to the plan, it is not as a ’spouse’ or ‘dependent’ and is taxed at a different rate, making the policy more expensive.
- If a man and woman marry, and then add each other to their real estate titles/deeds (homes, etc.), they can do so without penalty. According to the federal government, money between spouses (different-sex) can travel back and forth with no limit and no penalty. However, a married same-sex couple cannot do this. Instead, if I were to add Keith onto a title/deed of a home I owned, and even if we were married, the federal government would insist that I “gifted” Keith half of the house. That “gift” would then be taxed at 45%, not to mention the 2% tax for change of title. That’s 47% that goes to the federal government just because we are a same-sex couple.
- A person can “gift” up to $13,000 each year to any individual without having to pay the 45% Gift Tax. This could be helpful in a same-sex couple (remember, a different-sex couple can exchange money back and forth with NO PENALTY) if one of the couple makes significantly more than the other – it could be beneficial to “gift” the maximum amount each year from the higher income earner to the lower income earner in order to equalize your estates. (The Federal Estate Tax is also 45% – that’s the largest estate tax in the world).
- All the states that allow for some form of civil union between same-sex couples (Civil Unions, Domestic Partnership, Marriage, etc.) have begun allowing these couples to file their state income tax jointly – as a married couple. BUT the federal government does not recognize these unions, therefore not allowing them to jointly file their federal tax returns. What does this mean? If Keith and I wanted to file our taxes jointly in New York (were we able to), we could – but then unlike our different-sex counterparts, we would have to file as “single” on our Federal returns.
- Most company 401K’s (and equivalents) cannot be rolled over into a plan for a same-sex partner (or even a non-spouse beneficiary). What does that mean? If I had thousands of dollars in a 401K plan, and I died, Keith would get a ‘lump sum’ check that has been reduced drastically by heavy taxation. A different-sex spouse, however, would have the option of rolling the plan over into an account in their name, tax free.
- IRA plans can be rolled over to non-spouse beneficiaries tax free. If you have a 401K plan, and you’re in a same-sex relationship (or have a non-spouse beneficiary), you might want to consider rolling that money over into an IRA as often as you can.
- A Will is a very good thing to have – however it can be contested. Especially considering same-sex couples – family members can contest a Will, and at the very least hold the funds up in a legal battle for years (at the worst, overturn the Will and leave nothing for the surviving partner). A Living Trust cannot be contested. It might cost more to set up, but it ensures your assets go to the person you designate, period.
Why’d we go to this meeting? I think Keith put it best when he blogged about the defeat of gay marriage in Maine – we have to protect ourselves. Our government (local and federal) is constantly telling us we have no protection as a couple. And even if we did have a marriage license, it would mean nothing to our federal government. And if I were to die tomorrow, I would want to make sure Keith was taken care of, and he would want the same for me. We can’t take things for granted, like different-sex married couples who are just automatically granted all of these rights and privileges. We’re second class citizens, and need to be constantly aware of that. So it’s time to start looking out for our own asses instead of hoping that our government steps up and does it for us.
coming out October 16, 2009
Posted by onemonkeyshow in just me, just the facts, was there ever a doubt?.3 comments
Lori was my best friend in high school, and is now one of my best friends again. I’m lucky. But there was a period where we didn’t have any communication. And she just reminded me that my whole ‘coming out’ process was during that period. So she asked me about it. And I thought I’d share it here.
Chris Coming Out, the condensed version – while it is difficult to “come out,” it’s always more difficult because we make it hard on ourselves. For me, I was imagining every worst-case scenario that could come out of it. But let’s face it, I had lived with my lesbian aunt for a couple of years, it wasn’t like my family was going to write me off. At least not my dad’s side of the family. But when I finally made the choice to tell people, it took a lot of guts. I told my sister over the phone, and she said “I don’t want you to die of AIDS.” I said “Melissa, as a young, white woman you have more of a chance to catch AIDS than I do – so worry about yourself, I’ll be fine because I’m smart.” But she was fine immediately. My mom, however…when I told her she didn’t say anything for a few minutes. And then she said “well I accept you but I don’t want to see anything about that lifestyle around me.” So I paused, and then I said “this is not a lifestyle, it is part of who I am. If you cannot accept all of me, then you cannot accept any of me. I’ll leave the choice to you.” She seemed okay after that, although there were some odd moments with Howie (my first boyfriend in college) when she would visit campus. Obviously things with my dad’s family were fine – my Aunt Kathy was kind of like “well, it’s about time!”
But I never actually told my Grandma & Grandpa Hine. I wish I had. But they were so religious, and I was really worried that it would change our relationship. However looking back, I know that they would have loved me no matter what. They were the type of people that embraced and accepted family and those they love. And I know they knew. There was a definitive period of time where they stopped talking about girlfriends, marriage and kids with me, and instead started inviting Howie to lunch every week. They embraced him, and in so doing they told me that they accepted me for me. Nothing about my coming out process touched me more than that. And I did not shy away from telling my Aunt Teri and her family (including my cousin, Katie). Funny enough, my Aunt Teri is just fantastic now and we’re closer now than we ever were in the past. I see her every time I go home, and we always hug each other very hard and thank each other for staying in touch.
All that family stuff aside, I think I subconsciously didn’t “come out” until after graduation because it was a natural end/beginning, if that makes sense. I knew I wouldn’t see most of the people from high school again, so I figured I might as well start over again, and be true to myself. That summer was my coming out process – but it wasn’t until my first week at college that it became concrete. I was making friends really fast, and there was one girl in particular who was flirting like crazy with me. And finally I told my group of friends that I was gay. They were mostly like “okay” – and that was that. And ever since then I’ve strived to not hide it, no matter how uncomfortable the situation or how uncomfortable I make someone else. It’s nothing to be ashamed of because it’s just how I’m made.
National Equality March on Washington, October 11 October 13, 2009
Posted by onemonkeyshow in My opinion - and my opinion counts, The Husbands, do some good, just the facts, traveltraveltravel.add a comment
We got up early on Sunday and made our way to the area where the march was starting. We stood around for 2 hours before it began and watched the streets fill up with people. It was so important to us to be there for this, despite the opposition to and the criticism of the march. The point was to bring us together, create a unified voice that could loudly proclaim we aren’t content – we won’t just roll over – we want to be equal citizens. It was such a structured “march” that I found myself longing for more anger. I get pissed off thinking about it – I pay the SAME FUCKING TAXES that everyone else does, and yet I cannot legally have the same relationship. That’s why I marched.
Most amazing of all was the turnout of young people – the Queer Youth. More power to them. I was so glad they were there. Had I been able to do at 15 what they are doing now, who knows where I’d be. It was inspiring to see. And it was awesome to see some of the older generations who were passing the mantle, so to speak, to those of us there on Sunday.
The march ended on the lawn of the Capital. We hurtled the stone wall, and found a spot under a tree to watch the rally. The Washington DC Gay Men’s Chorus started out the rally, and then a multitude of speakers took the stand. And this is where things went wrong, in my opinion. This was such an amazing opportunity for the LGBTQ community – so many of us there, in one spot, for similar reasons – the speakers should have driven us crazy with ferver. We should have been chanting, yelling, singing. Instead, we listed to one politically-driven speech after another. Every speaker had their own agenda to push. Keith and I were there for our right to have a Civil Marriage. Yet here we were listening to essays on Immigration, Labor Laws, and many other issues that were muddling the focus that we desperately needed. I felt lost, and I felt like each and every speech became less and less about the issues that are important RIGHT NOW. Sadly, the crowd completely dispersed after an hour. Such a wasted opportunity.
However there were two people that managed to inspire. Cynthia Nixon took the stage (VERY briefly) and reminded us that this is an issue that is personal to all of us. Love is love. Give me the same rights as my neighbor. And shortly after Cynthia Nixon, Lady Gaga took the stage. She spoke from the heart – about her friends, her family. She screamed “ARE YOU LISTENING?” to Obama. That’s what I wanted!! We didn’t come here to be quiet – we didn’t come here to ask, we came here to fucking DEMAND!!!!!
So while I was outstandingly proud of us for attending, I can only hope that a good message was delivered. But this was a start, and it needs to continue. Bring the fight back to your home towns, bring the fight to your neighborhoods and cities. We cannot back down. We cannot relax. I want to marry my husband – I will not be content with a CIVIL UNION any longer.
Okay, stepping down off my soap box now. Time to share the photos from the march – and take note of the fantastic signs that people were carrying!!
the cost of being gay October 5, 2009
Posted by onemonkeyshow in just the facts.1 comment so far
Turns out being a second-rate citizen is not only degrading and unequal, it also costs us a lot more (great article in the NY Times):
quick note about dog walkers/sitters in inwood September 8, 2009
Posted by onemonkeyshow in Inwood, The Husbands, do some good, just the facts.5 comments
For about a year we’ve been employing Kathy as our dog walker. We met her through New York Dogs dog walking/sitting services. After utilizing her services through that company, she convinced us to just hire her directly. Probably a mistake there, but we went ahead with it. Things seemed fine despite a few oddities (lost dog dish, etc.). However last week we hit a wall. We hired her on Tuesday to take care of Max for the long Labor Day weekend (handed over the cash and the keys to our new apartment that day). On Friday, we were standing in Penn Station – 40 minutes before our train was scheduled to leave – and her “associate” Debby called to say she couldn’t find the keys. An hour later we were both extremely livid. After trying to contact Debby for 45 minutes (desperately trying to find out what happened to the keys, and what we could do to fix the situation before our train left – and only ever getting her voice mail) we realized there was going to be no agreement reached between our so-called dog-sitters and us.
Instead, Kathy hardly seemed to care at all that there was a possibility that Max might be left alone, locked in our apartment for 4 days because of her negligence. She suggested that maybe her sister could come take a look at Max. However – our train having already left, and the fact that NO ONE COULD FIND THE KEYS TO OUR NEW APARTMENT made that suggestion laughable. Instead, we fired Kathy (and her multiple associates) over the phone – had to pay an extra $100 to change our train tickets, and then had to pay $130 in taxi fares to get a set of keys to our amazing friends Angel & Paul in Yonkers so they could watch Max for us. And to top it off, Kathy really didn’t care. AND our keys are still missing – including the one that requires a hefty deposit from our landlord. Amazingly, somehow Debby managed to get into our building to leave our refunded money in an envelope under our apartment door.
Of course, our first thought was to cancel the trip entirely (which would have been further financial loss) – but thank god we have such amazing friends as Angel & Paul. Had we received the phone call from Debby even 45 minutes later, we would have been en route to DC and things would have been even more difficult.
So my point to all of this? I just want to make sure everyone in Inwood is aware. Max is basically our child. And we entrust his care with people like Kathy when we leave town and cannot take him with us. And to have that trust so horribly dashed scared, frustrated and angered me to no end. Kathy is one of the predominate dog walkers/sitters in Inwood, yet I would urge you to make sure you are safe-guarded if you hire her. As she suggest to us, we apparently should have had someone that could have given her another set of keys (because it was obviously our fault that she lost her set in the first place).
I will never utilize Kathy or her associates as our dog walker/sitter again, nor will I ever refer to her to anyone. In fact, should someone ask me in the future, I will be honest and tell her I don’t trust.
Happily though, Max had a fantastic weekend with Angel & Paul – he told us all about it when we got back last night.
blogger? beware… August 28, 2009
Posted by onemonkeyshow in My opinion - and my opinion counts, just the facts.add a comment
Blogger has started obliterating blogs with gay content using lame excuses that hold no validity. So without notice, blogs like “Famouse Like Me” just disappear and are never heard from again. So to those of you still on blogger – get out while you still can. Who knows who their next targets might be – cute puppies? Children? Come to WordPress, my friends – come to WordPress. 
7 deadly sins in america August 25, 2009
Posted by onemonkeyshow in Time for a lesson, guest post, just the facts, randomality.add a comment
Keith found this, and I think it’s pretty interesting. Geographers from Kansas State University mapped out the spatial distribution of the seven deadly sins in the United States. probably not entirely accurate, but still interesting, right? (red=devilish, blue=saintly)
Greed: determined using average income compared with number of people living below the poverty line
Envy: determined by total thefts (robbery, burglary, larceny, etc) per capita
Wrath: determined by the number of violent crimes (murder, assault, rape) per capita
Sloth: determined by comparing expenditures on art, entertainment and recreation with employment rate
Gluttony: determined by the number of fast-food restaurants per capita
Lust: determined by the number of std cases reported per capita
Pride: determined as an aggregate of the other six offenses, since Pride is the root of all sin
westerville, ohio voted #15 in best places to live (cnn/money): Java Central one of the highlights July 23, 2009
Posted by onemonkeyshow in family, headlines, just the facts.add a comment
Gotta give props – Keith grew up there, my Grandparents lived there, I went to college there…Westerville is up and coming. And not to mention that Keith’s parents are co-owners of the most fabulous coffee shop – Java Central – right in Uptown Westerville. Check out the comment below:
Top 100 rank: 15
Population: 35,700
The heart of this Columbus suburb is the historic Uptown District, whose buildings look much as they did in 1858. Original 19th-century homes are interspersed with cozy bed and breakfasts; nearby Otterbein College offers quiet walkways and shade trees.
Many residents make the 15-minute commute to the city, although Westerville has also brought businesses into the area by providing tax abatements for new construction.
A community center built in 2001, plus more than 40 parks and recreational facilities, offer entertainment for every age. –D.G.
Comment: We have lived in Westerville for 5 yrs. now and really love it. Uptown Westerville is beautiful with hanging flower baskets on each lamppost. This last weekend was the Westerville Art and Music Festival put on by the Chamber of Commerce….what a nice event. The local coffee shop, Java Central, has open mic every weekend, which we enjoy while drinking a great cup of coffee. There are so many bike and walking trails and parks here for families to enjoy. And we are within minutes of anything going on in Columbus! Lovely place to live! I’m so happy to be living in the 15th ranked best city to live out of 100 in America by Money Magazine!
looking for an apartment in Inwood? July 10, 2009
Posted by onemonkeyshow in Inwood, just the facts.add a comment
If you come across a place on Park Terrace East – let me know. If it’s the place we’re vacating I can give you some insight. Trust me, you would want to hear about our experiences.
