onemonkeyshow

Lori was my best friend in high school, and is now  one of my best friends again.  I’m lucky.  But there was a period where we didn’t have any communication.  And she just reminded me that my whole ‘coming out’ process was during that period.  So she asked me about it.  And I thought I’d share it here.

Chris Coming Out, the condensed version – while it is difficult to “come out,” it’s always more difficult because we make it hard on ourselves. For me, I was imagining every worst-case scenario that could come out of it. But let’s face it, I had lived with my lesbian aunt for a couple of years, it wasn’t like my family was going to write me off. At least not my dad’s side of the family. But when I finally made the choice to tell people, it took a lot of guts. I told my sister over the phone, and she said “I don’t want you to die of AIDS.” I said “Melissa, as a young, white woman you have more of a chance to catch AIDS than I do – so worry about yourself, I’ll be fine because I’m smart.” But she was fine immediately. My mom, however…when I told her she didn’t say anything for a few minutes. And then she said “well I accept you but I don’t want to see anything about that lifestyle around me.” So I paused, and then I said “this is not a lifestyle, it is part of who I am. If you cannot accept all of me, then you cannot accept any of me. I’ll leave the choice to you.” She seemed okay after that, although there were some odd moments with Howie (my first boyfriend in college) when she would visit campus. Obviously things with my dad’s family were fine – my Aunt Kathy was kind of like “well, it’s about time!”

But I never actually told my Grandma & Grandpa Hine. I wish I had. But they were so religious, and I was really worried that it would change our relationship. However looking back, I know that they would have loved me no matter what. They were the type of people that embraced and accepted family and those they love. And I know they knew. There was a definitive period of time where they stopped talking about girlfriends, marriage and kids with me, and instead started inviting Howie to lunch every week. They embraced him, and in so doing they told me that they accepted me for me. Nothing about my coming out process touched me more than that. And I did not shy away from telling my Aunt Teri and her family (including my cousin, Katie). Funny enough, my Aunt Teri is just fantastic now and we’re closer now than we ever were in the past. I see her every time I go home, and we always hug each other very hard and thank each other for staying in touch.

All that family stuff aside, I think I subconsciously didn’t “come out” until after graduation because it was a natural end/beginning, if that makes sense. I knew I wouldn’t see most of the people from high school again, so I figured I might as well start over again, and be true to myself. That summer was my coming out process – but it wasn’t until my first week at college that it became concrete. I was making friends really fast, and there was one girl in particular who was flirting like crazy with me. And finally I told my group of friends that I was gay. They were mostly like “okay” – and that was that. And ever since then I’ve strived to not hide it, no matter how uncomfortable the situation or how uncomfortable I make someone else. It’s nothing to be ashamed of because it’s just how I’m made.